The importance of well-managed classrooms, that was the topic of MMSEL class this week. Just like the other student-lecturer group lesson, this week we also have to do a group work. Me and my group got a topic of establish credibility. Mainly it talked about how a credibility of a teacher will be formed by his/ her ability in mastering the subject s(he) teaches and the way s(he) convey it to the students. For me it was just so make sense. No matter how good the class arrangement is or how sophisticated the tools being used are, if the teacher know few about the subject s(he) will be mocked, bullied and underestimated by the students. Thus, the students will have no respect toward the teacher. I can say it because I have been in those students shoes. I had a teacher who knew almost nothing about the subject he taught. The apparel was just like he has no wife to take care of him, the knowledge was very limited even less than an average student in my class. Until now, I am still wondering how come he became a teacher.

Now, it becomes my biggest fear that I someday might be a teacher like that. Why? Because, just like I have told you so many times, I felt like Math is not my thing. I am afraid that I will not be able to teach passionately on Mathematics. I am really afraid that I will disappoint my students because I cannot full fill their expectation upon me. What should I do then? Honestly, I don’t have any idea. If it is getting into passion-talk, I am passionate in teaching but definitely not math. I am confused, should I leave this path way while I am attached to an obligation to be a teacher at least 3 years long. Ah, I won’t go on with the talk here.

There are still many things happened in the MMSEL class this week actually, I am sure you all know what it is. All in all, this week lesson just reminded me again about why do I here. I want to be a teacher, the great one. So, I have to take it all, each and every risk to achieve my initial goal. I may have lost my passion in math but teaching is still my priority for sure. J

Firzie Budiono Ravasia