Teaching experience is started. I was completely freaking out. For days I got very dizzy wondering what I would do in my class. I lost focus; I did not know where to go or what to do. This, maybe, was the major cause of my whole-life-impacted accident. The accident made me lost one of four teaching days. Means, I need to shrink my plan to do all the SEP assignment. Well, I do not want to mourn here so I will talk no more about this silly accident.

This semester, just like the last 2, I get another catholic school. First time I knew about it, I was a bit disappointed. Again, I have to deal with students who have common social, economic and religion backgrounds; a homogenous class. I was wondering if I was given the same experience over and over again, how I would develop my teaching skill. What if in my real job I have to teach in a public school? I would have no experience in dealing with heterogeneous students. This condition was actually about to weaken my motivation to teach, at least until I came to the school.

The first day I came to the school, I was welcomed by its headmaster. He was very generous and open minded. First thing he said that being a teacher means we were ready to be heart broken. I was just laughing on that time and felt a bit calmed down. Then, he told us so many things about teaching in that school but 3 most important points were; we were free to do anything in our class (which means we could use any method and approach), 80% students of the school are coming from broken home families and in the school, intellectuality was coming after affective education. These 3 facts were just boosting up my motivation to teach. I really wanted to reach the students’ hearts and made them believe that they can be anything and make changes (inspired by Imelda Fransisca). Straight after the discussion with the headmaster, I came back to campus to make my lesson plan for the next day teaching. This was when the silly accident happened. *skip*

Teaching day 1. I was literally shocked. The class was far from homogenous, even though it is a catholic school but the students were diverse. I just did a mistake, stereotype. My class is X-D, based on my peer’s explanation, it means the worst class. I was not just bought the information; I wanted to prove it by myself first. I decided to do a semi-problem solving, it did not work. My class needs a clear explanation in a more conventional way. From 27 of my students, there was 1 who catches my attention. He was a kind of student who need more time to digest the material given. However, from whole the class, he was one who seemed the most excited student. He always asked me about the exercise I gave whenever he felt it’s difficult. In the group discussion, he was the one who kept the task running. Although I have to explain it again and again, I just felt happy with his spirit. He had great motivation to learn. I do not know yet what was behind that motivation; I did not have an opportunity yet to talk with him. But, from my early observation, I may conclude that his motivation was a mastery goal or performance avoidance goal. I do not know, I will interview him soon to prove my hypothesis.

One thing that I learned from this week SEP was I am not sure that I want to be a math teacher. The prep was demented, the execution was a massive panic, and the post feeling was disaster. I think I need to motivate myself more.

Firzie B. Ravasia

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